Revelation...I think
I just had a thought that might be the source of a lot of my recent discomfort with the area I live in currently.
Oh wait, an update. All I did this weekend was buy clothes (1.5 hours) and go to a wedding (4.5 hours). That's it.
Ok. The revelation:
I noticed that I don't have the passion to do things I once was..well..passionate about. I don't really care to fly-fish, hunt waterfowl, fish, hike to peaks, hike on trails to lakes, backpack, etc.
Now, it's not that I don't WANT to do these things...it's just that it takes at least two hours of driving to fish a decent stretch of river. The water here is so contaminated with toxins that I don't even want to TRY to hunt ducks let alone eat the fish. I know fishing catch-and-release is all well and good, but sometimes you have to partake in your catch...and to drive two hours to do that and have to camp? Hardly worth the price. I bought a flat-bottom boat to exploit this resource here (waterfowl and fishing) and hardly use it....I've heard from some Fish & Game guys that there are certain areas the ducks will be so contaminated that it is recommended you don't eat them. Even the DIRT around some access areas is so toxic, they suggest that pregnant women and children don't dawdle there long. No thank you. Hike to peaks? Well, you get to a "peak" around my country and you can't see out. There are no rocks and ice, vistas and challenges...there is only trees. Backpack to lakes? I think we have three close by...and close by means at least a 1.5 hour drive, then if nothing more than a 1 hour walk to a puddle.
I have been missing what I used to do for a long time now, and this simple list doesn't encompass it all. Sure, I should embrace what the lifestyle is around me and become part of it. Which I do! ....to a point. I cannot feel the need to ATV around the woods, but I will do it. I will haul a trailer and a boat to one hour+ to Priest Lake to motor around because I feel like I'm out of the pollution and once there, I like to pretend to fish and just play. I get irritated with all the people and their motorized recreation, but I put up with it and can appreciate their willingness to get outside in their national forests and recreate. I can still hunt with a large toothy grin...but it is nothing like packing into an undiscovered tract of land I found out of luck and research. Once there (like my EARLY post about packing into my first bowhunting elk camp) to be entirely alone and surrounded by elk.
I feel like I have lost a piece of myself leaving Montana. I used to be able to do many more things than I feel like I can do here easily and safely. And it scares me. Montana isn't the same. The Bitterroot Valley isn't the same. I'm not sure I can go "home" so where do I go?
I'm not satisfied to tell myself "it's just me. Get used to people and their habits." I don't believe that has to be the case in the lifestyle I desire. I think there are other places where people still wave in their vehicles, still have respect for one another, still care for the land on their own time, and still preserve that for their children. (Again, not to say these folks aren't doing that...but it's not exactly in a way that I want to see it.)
I don't like driving for 2 - 5 hours to find the kind of life that I need.
Call me crazy.
Oh wait, an update. All I did this weekend was buy clothes (1.5 hours) and go to a wedding (4.5 hours). That's it.
Ok. The revelation:
I noticed that I don't have the passion to do things I once was..well..passionate about. I don't really care to fly-fish, hunt waterfowl, fish, hike to peaks, hike on trails to lakes, backpack, etc.
Now, it's not that I don't WANT to do these things...it's just that it takes at least two hours of driving to fish a decent stretch of river. The water here is so contaminated with toxins that I don't even want to TRY to hunt ducks let alone eat the fish. I know fishing catch-and-release is all well and good, but sometimes you have to partake in your catch...and to drive two hours to do that and have to camp? Hardly worth the price. I bought a flat-bottom boat to exploit this resource here (waterfowl and fishing) and hardly use it....I've heard from some Fish & Game guys that there are certain areas the ducks will be so contaminated that it is recommended you don't eat them. Even the DIRT around some access areas is so toxic, they suggest that pregnant women and children don't dawdle there long. No thank you. Hike to peaks? Well, you get to a "peak" around my country and you can't see out. There are no rocks and ice, vistas and challenges...there is only trees. Backpack to lakes? I think we have three close by...and close by means at least a 1.5 hour drive, then if nothing more than a 1 hour walk to a puddle.
I have been missing what I used to do for a long time now, and this simple list doesn't encompass it all. Sure, I should embrace what the lifestyle is around me and become part of it. Which I do! ....to a point. I cannot feel the need to ATV around the woods, but I will do it. I will haul a trailer and a boat to one hour+ to Priest Lake to motor around because I feel like I'm out of the pollution and once there, I like to pretend to fish and just play. I get irritated with all the people and their motorized recreation, but I put up with it and can appreciate their willingness to get outside in their national forests and recreate. I can still hunt with a large toothy grin...but it is nothing like packing into an undiscovered tract of land I found out of luck and research. Once there (like my EARLY post about packing into my first bowhunting elk camp) to be entirely alone and surrounded by elk.
I feel like I have lost a piece of myself leaving Montana. I used to be able to do many more things than I feel like I can do here easily and safely. And it scares me. Montana isn't the same. The Bitterroot Valley isn't the same. I'm not sure I can go "home" so where do I go?
I'm not satisfied to tell myself "it's just me. Get used to people and their habits." I don't believe that has to be the case in the lifestyle I desire. I think there are other places where people still wave in their vehicles, still have respect for one another, still care for the land on their own time, and still preserve that for their children. (Again, not to say these folks aren't doing that...but it's not exactly in a way that I want to see it.)
I don't like driving for 2 - 5 hours to find the kind of life that I need.
Call me crazy.
posted by geotracker12 at 5:32 PM
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